Parting time by the Rockstar

I remember the days
When you're here with me
Those laughter and tears
We shared for years
Mem'ries that we had
For so long it's me and you
Now you're gone away
You left me all alone

Go on, do what you want
But please don't leave me
You'll break my heart
Hey, what should I do
Babe, I'm missin' you
Please don't disappear
These are the words that you should hear
Time and time again
I wish that you were here


I don't wanna lose you girl
I need you back to me
I don't wanna lose you
Baby can't you see
Oh, I need you
You've been a part of me

I wish someday you'll be back home
'Cause I really miss you
Darling, please come home

I wish someday you'll be back home
'Cause I really miss you
Darling, please come home

Clumsy - Fergie

Fergie - Clumsy lyrics

First time
That I saw your eyes
Boy you looked right through me, mmm mmm
Play it cool
But I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mmm mmm

You got me trippin oh, stumbling oh, flippin oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
So in love with you

Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it

Can't breath
When you touch my sleeve,
Butterflies so crazy, mmm mmm
Whoa now, think I'm goin down
Friends don't know whats with me, mmm mmm

You got me trippin oh, stumbling oh, flippin oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
So in love with you

You got me trippin oh, stumbling oh, flippin oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
So in love with you
[ Clumsy lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
So in love with you

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me
This love sick thing
I like serious relationships and a
A girl like me dont stay single for long
Cuz everytime a boyfriend and I break up
My world is crushed and I'm all alone
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back

Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it

Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it

You got me trippin oh, stumbling oh, flippin oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
So in love with you

Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love

So in love with you
So in love with you
So in love with you

Jesse McCartney - Right Where You Want Me

girl
theres somethin bout me that you oughta know
ive never felt that need to loose control
always held on back and played it slow
but not this time
baby dont be gentle, i can handle a little pain

baby take me on a journey
ive been thinkin latley i could use a little time
alone with you
crazy
lets do something maybe
please dont take your time
you got me right where you want me

right where you want me
whoa whoaa

girl
im gonna let you have your way with me
when you move like that its hard to breathe
i never thought it could be like this
but i was wrong
baby dont be gentle
i can handle little pain

baby take me on a journey
ive been thinkin latley i could use a little time
alone wiht you
crazy
lets d soimthing maybe
please dont take your time
you got me right where you want me

cant explain it
how you swept me off my feet
unexspectidly
instant motion tryin to keep my body still
ohhh
i can hardly stand the thrill

well baby dont be gentle
i can handle little pain


baby take me on a journey
ive been thinkin latley i could use a little time alone with you
crazy
lets do something maybe
please dont take your time
you got me right where you want me

baby take me on a journey
ive been thinkin latley i could use a little time alone with you
crazy
lets do something maybe
please dont take your time
you got me right where you want me

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Samson by Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

All good things come to an end by Nelly Furtado

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

[Chorus:]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.

Lately by Stevi Wonder

Lately, I have had the strangest feeling
With no vivid reason here to find
Yet the thought of losing yous been hanging
round my mind

Far more frequently youre wearing perfume
With you say no special place to go
But when I ask will you be coming back soon
You dont know, never know

Well, Im a man of many wishes
Hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes wont let me hide
cause they always start to cry
cause this time could mean goodbye

Lately Ive been staring in the mirror
Very slowly picking me apart
Trying to tell myself I have no reason
With your heart

Just the other night while you were sleeping
I vaguely heard you whisper someones name
But when I ask you of the thoughts your keeping
You just say nothings changed

Well, Im a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes wont let me hide
cause they always start to cry
cause this time could mean goodbye, goodbye

Oh, Im a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes wont let me hide
cause they always start to cry
cause this time could mean goodbye

The Praying Dog

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to take over the service and went to talk to Bernie.

"What are doing here with a dog?"

"The dog came here to pray."

"Oh, come on." says the Rabbi.

"It's true," says Bernie.

"I don't believe you. You are just fooling around and that's not a proper thing to do in a synagogue."

"Its really true," says Bernie.

"OK," says the Rabbi (thinking he would call Bernie's bluff), "then show me what the dog can do."

"OK," says Bernie nodding to the dog. The dog opens up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (and puts them on) and prayer book and then starts saying prayers in Hebrew!

The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school?"

Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says, "You talk to him, he wants to be a doctor!"

What takes longer, running from first base ...

What takes longer, running from first base to second, or from second to third?

Second to third, because you have to go through a shortstop.

Universal time

A customer calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.

"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week," says the technician who answers the call.

Customer asks, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

A woman follows her husband

A woman followed her husband to the public house. "How can you come here," she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink that awful stuff?"

"Now!" he cried, "And you always said I was out enjoying meself."

A rookie pitcher

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him.

"I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game."

"When is that?"

"Right after the National Anthem."

Top Ten Virus

Monkey

Virus Characteristics

Monkey is a memory resident infector of the hard disk Master Boot Record (MBR) and the boot sector of diskettes. It is a stealth virus, hiding the infection of the hard disk and diskettes when it is memory resident.
The first time the system is booted with a diskette infected with the Monkey virus, the virus becomes memory resident and also infects the hard disk MBR. The virus moves interrupt 12's return to 9FC0. On the system hard disk, the virus will write one sector of viral code at Side 0, Cylinder 0, Sector 3, and then alters the MBR to point to this sector. Monkey also encrypts the MBR and relocates it to the third sector of hard disk.
Once the Monkey virus is memory resident, it will infect non-write protected diskettes as they are accessed on the system.

Indications of Infection

Total system and available free memory decreases by 1,024 bytes. On 360K 5.25" diskettes, the virus will write a sector of code at Sector 11, the last sector of the root directory, and then alter the boot sector. On 1.2M 6.25" diskettes, the sector of viral code is at sector 28 (also the last sector of the root directory). If directory entries were originally located in the directory sectors overwritten, the corresponding files are inaccessible.
Accessing the C: drive after booting from a non-infected system diskette results in the message:
"Invalid drive specification"
Diskette directories may also be corrupted.

Concept

Virus Characteristics

Concept is a small, yet sophisticated program that attaches itself to Word documents. Concept is a macro virus. It is not particularly destructive, but can be annoying. The Concept virus creates a change with the "Save As" function. The user will not be able to choose the drive or the type of file when saving documents. The "TEMPLATES" radio button will be grayed. The macro will cause the document to behave as a template file.
Upon infection, the virus searches for the macros, "Payload" and "FileSaveAs" among NORMAL.DOT templates. If either of these macros exist, Concept assumes that the system is already infected, and aborts. If neither of these files exist, it begins its infection process by copying its viral macros to the template and displaying a dialog box, which contains the number "1".
Once a Macro virus is running, it can copy itself to other documents, delete files, and create general problems in a system. These things occur without the user explicitly running the macro. Once Concept is active on a system, it adds the following macros: AAAZAO, AAAZFS, and Payload. Two additional macros appear called "AutoOpen" and "FileSaveAs". If these macros existed previously, the contents will be changed. These macros can be viewed in the TOOLS, MACRO menu.
Concept.H is a variant of the Concept virus. The macro names have changed. The AAA* macros are now CRYPTIC and CITPYRC.

Indications of Infection

A small dialog box may appear on the screen displaying the numeral "1". The following macros also exist:
AAAZAO
AAAZFS
AutoOpen
FileSaveAs
PayLoad

The Payload macro contains the message:

Sub MAIN
REM That's enough to prove my point
End Sub

AntiEXE

Virus Characteristics

The AntiEXE virus overwrites the Master Boot Record (MBR) of your hard drive. The virus contains all of the standard information of a normal MBR. The virus is destructive in one circumstance, if the user presses the key combination of Ctrl and Break, while the virus is accessing the disk, then the virus overwrites the first 8 sectors of every head and track on the drive starting at Side 0, Sector 4.
AntiEXE is a memory resident, stealth, Master Boot Record/Boot Sector infector. When a user attempts to boot from an AntiEXE infected diskette (the boot does not need to be successful), the virus activates itself in memory and overwrites the system hard disk Master Boot Record without saving a copy.
When AntiEXE infects a diskette, it moves the original boot sector of the diskette to the last sector in the root directory.
AntiEXE 'hides' from anti-virus software by displaying an uninfected sector, when an attempt is made to access the hard drive (Stealth techniques). Thus detection of AntiEXE is difficult.

Indications of Infection

Total system memory decreases by 1,024 bytes. AntiEXE also targets and corrupts files of 200,256 bytes in length.

NYB

Virus Characteristics

NYB is a memory resident Master Boot Record (MBR)/Boot Sector infector. It is a "Stealth" virus. MBR/Boot Sector viruses are some of the most successful viruses. They are fairly easy to write, and they take control of the computer at a low level.
The first time a system is booted form a diskette infected with the NYB virus, NYB will become memory resident at the top of system memory but below the 640K boundary. Also at this time, the virus will infect the MBR. Once NYB is memory resident, it will infect diskettes when they are accessed on the infected system.
On double density 5.25" diskettes, the original boot sector will have been relocated to sector 11. On high density 5.25" diskettes, the original boot sector will have been relocated to sector 28. In both cases, these sectors are the last sector of the root directory of the diskette, any files whose directory entries were in these sectors will be lost.
NYB uses stealth techniques to avoid detection on the system hard disk as well as on diskettes. If you suspect that you have the NYB virus, power off the system and reboot from a clean write-protected diskette, then check the system hard disk for the virus.

Indications of Infection

Total system memory, as indicated by the DOS CKDSK program, decreases by 1,024 bytes. NYB does not contain any messages which are displayed on boot. Infected systems may experience intermittent seek errors upon disk accesses.

AntiCMOS

Virus Characteristics

AntiCMOS is capable of erasing the system's CMOS or Setup information, but does not infect files on the system. Additionally, because this virus makes changes to the system's Master Boot Record (MBR), the user may experience problems during the boot-up process.
AntiCMOS is an MBR/Boot Sector infector. When a user attempts to boot from an AntiCMOS infected diskette (the boot does not need to be successful), the virus will infect the system's hard disk MBR, however it does not become memory resident at this time. AntiCMOS becomes memory resident the next time the system is booted from the newly infected hard drive.

Indications of Infection

When the AntiCMOS virus is memory resident, total system and available free memory decreases by approximately 2,048 bytes. The payload for AntiCMOS is the erasure of CMOS and system setup information.

WAZZU

Virus Characteristics

Wazzu is a small, program that attaches itself to Word documents. It is a macro virus. Wazzu contains 1 macro, AutoOpen, which it uses to infect and spread throughout the Word environment.

When Wazzu is active in word, it infects documents as they are opened.

The following differences apply to shown variants:
Wazzu.B is Wazzu.A with an extra comment in the macro.
Wazzu.C is Wazzu.A without the call to the payload.
Wazzu.D is a different rendition of Wazzu.A without the payload.

Indications of Infection

Infected documents may have the word "wazzu" inserted in the document and/or up to 3 words rearranged.

All infected documents insist on being saved in the template directory.

Wazzu.F, a variant of Wazzu, displays the following text string:

"EAT THIS: This one's for you, BOSCO"

FORM

Virus Characteristics

Form is a Boot Sector, memory resident virus. The Form virus inhabits both a portion of high DOS memory and also the last two sectors on the hard drive. The virus does not infect files. Usually there is no damage done to data on the hard drive. However, it may corrupt the contents of infected diskettes.
On the hard drive, Form moves the original boot sector and a portion of itself and stores it in the last two sectors of the infected hard drive. If these sectors are overwritten by data at a later date, the system may hang during the boot-up process. However, you may still access the drive.
Form creates bad sectors on floppy diskettes. The virus is stored in the second sector of the diskette, and relocates the original data into the unused section of the File Allocation Table (FAT). The area of the FAT where the code is stored is marked as bad, so that the information will be preserved and remain undamaged.

Indications of Infection

One indication of the Form virus is a clicking noise produced when any key on the keyboard is pressed on the 18th day of any month. Please note that if a keyboard driver is used, the clicking noise is undetectable.
Another symptom of infection is that your system will hang on a failed disk read.

Stealth_C

Virus Characteristics

Stealth_C is a memory resident, stealth virus which infects the system's Master Boot Record (MBR) and diskette Boot Sectors.
Upon infection, Stealth_C will become memory resident at the top of system memory but below the 640K DOS boundary. Stealth_C will also infect the Master Boot Record at this time.
Once the Stealth_C virus is memory resident, it will infect diskette boot sectors when non-write protected diskettes are accessed. Upon infection, Stealth_C will move the original boot sector to the last sector on the diskette.
This virus is a full stealth virus, hiding the infection on the system's hard disk and diskette boot sectors when the virus is memory resident. Therefore, it is important to be sure that the virus is not memory resident before attempting to scan a possibly infected system or diskette(s).

Indications of Infection

Systems infected with Stealth_C may experience difficulty loading some drivers and memory management software into memory, resulting in operational difficulties with programs which access upper memory blocks, such as Windows. It may also cause 32-bit disk or file access to be disabled.
Stealth_C causes the total system and available free memory, to decrease by 4,096 bytes.

MDMA

Virus Characteristics

MDMA is a macro virus, which infects documents in the Microsoft Word environment. MDMA is destructive and has the potential to delete files. This virus infects across many platforms: Windows, Windows 95, Macintosh and Windows NT.
MDMA infects NORMAL.DOT and files using the AutoClose macro. Upon closing a document, it will be saved as a template with a copy of AutoClose.

Indications of Infection

MDMA activates on the first day of the month, if the virus is executed. The payloads for MDMA are as follows (organized according to operating system):
On Macintosh: Kill MacID$("****") (deletes all files)

On Windows 3.x: Kill "c:\shmk."; "deltree /y c:" is added to autoexec.bat

On Windows NT: Kill "*.*"; Kill "c:\shmk."

If none of the above (Windows 95): Kill "c" \shmk."; Kill "c:\windows\*.hlp";
Kill "c:\windows\system\*.cpl"
SetPrivateProfileString ("HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Control
Panel\Accessibility\Stickykeys", "On", "1", "")
SetPrivateProfileString
("HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Network\Logon","ProcessLoginScript", "00",
"")
SetPrivateProfileString ("HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Control
Panel\Accessibility\HighContrst", "On", "1", "")

The following text is displayed in a message box:

"You are infected with MDMA_DMV. Brought to you by MDMA (Many Delinquent Modern Anarchists)." In the more destructive variant MDMA.C, the trigger date is altered. If the infected system is running Windows 3.1x, Windows NT or Windows 95, the trigger day is from the 21st to the 31st of the month. However, if an infected system is running under the Macintosh environment, the trigger day any is greater than the 4th of the month. The above mentioned payloads are the same.
The MDMA.A macro virus contains this following macro when it infects a DOC or DOT file:

AutoClose

Junkie

Virus Characteristics

Junkie is a multi-partite, memory resident, encrypting virus. Junkie specifically targets .COM files, the DOS boot sector on floppy diskettes and the Master Boot Record (MBR).
When initial infection is in the form of a file infecting virus, Junkie infects the MBR or floppy boot sector, disables VSafe (an anti-virus terminate-and-stay-resident program (TSR), which is included with MS-DOS 6.X) and loads itself at Side 0, Cylinder 0, Sectors 4 and 5. The virus does not become memory resident, or infect files at this time. Later when the system is booted from the system hard disk, the Junkie virus becomes memory resident at the top of system memory but below the 640K DOS boundary, moving interrupt 12's returns. Once memory resident, Junkie begins infecting .COM files as they are executed, and corrupts .COM files.
The Junkie virus infects diskette boot sectors as they are accessed. The virus will write a copy of itself to the last track of the diskette, and then alter the boot sector to point to this code. On high density 5.25 inch diskettes, the viral code will be located on Cylinder 79, Side 1, Sectors 8 and 9.

Indications of Infection

This virus will cause .COM and .EXE files to grow in length by 1,030 to 1,042 bytes, with the virus inserted at the end of the file. CHKDSK also reports a decrease of 3,072 of total system and available free memory. This decrease may cause memory conflicts.

Junkie contains two encrypted messages:

"Dr White -Sweden 1994"
"Junkie Virus - Written in Malmo...MO1D"

These messages are not visible in files, but can be viewed in memory.

Comma Cat

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Things You Don't Want to Hear Over a Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Airline PAn Airline PA

Top Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....

7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.

8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car).

9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..

12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...

13. Get the parachutes ready...

14. Drinks are on me...

15. I'll have what the Captain's having...

16. Hey capt'n take another hit man...

Little Johnny's new baby brother

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?”

His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”

Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

BLONDE DETECTIVES!!!

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the 3 of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?"

The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and withdrew a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc."

So he stuck the photo in the face of the 1st blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The 1st blonde hung her head and walked out of the office. The detective then turned to the 2nd blonde, stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused, too!"

The 2nd blonde sheepishly walked out of the office. The detective turned his attention to the 3rd and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but......." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts... How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"

knots and ropes

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other's bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".
\She slides her hands further down and gasps.
"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?"
"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!"

Movies that must not be translated into Tagalog

The Postman Rings only Twice - Ang Kartero Kapag Dumotdot Laging Dalawang Beses

Sum of All Fears - Takot mo, Takot ko, Takot nating Lahat

Swordfish - Talakitok

Pretty Woman - Ang Ganda ng Lola mo

Robin Hood, Men in Tights - Si Robin Hood at ang mga Felix Bakat

Four Weddings and one Funeral - Kahit Apat na Beses ka pang Ikasal, Mamatay at mamatay ka rin

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - Ako, Ikaw, Kayong Lahat

Jogging Shoes

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."

Foreign Language

baby mouse
mother mouse

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.

The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

Ice Cream Humor

Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams A. In floats

Q: How do you make a dinosaur float? A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur!

Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? A: Ice Cream

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a'la mode.

Ice Cream Humor

Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams A. In floats

Q: How do you make a dinosaur float? A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur!

Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? A: Ice Cream

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a'la mode.

A Mommy Moment

Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom Ann did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"

"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."

Start of Gags!!

haha!

here i am again!! making another blog!! actually this is my third blog!!! weeee!!

(palag?)

hahah!! oh well, just always visit this site!! okei! hahaha